WHAT IS LOVE TO YOU?
by Ronnie Mutina
We have read, many times, the scripture in Ephesians 5:25, where Paul said, "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it." But, what exactly does this mean to men today?
The word ‘love’ is often considered a noun, but is not, nor will it ever be a noun. The word ‘love’ is an action verb. Today, just as its been for years, a lot of people in this world thinks that the giddy feeling that people have, such as heart running away when you are around the lady, or in the ladies’ case, men is love, but they are wrong. Love is work. It is staying in there, even when you feel like running. Usually the giddy feeling leads into lust and, well, we know what lust leads too. The giddy feeling may eventually turn into love if it is nurtured the way God intended for it to be. Love is created to be an unconditional thing. We, as people, put conditions on whether we love one another or not. Is that right? The answer to that would be no.
As Becky and I approach our anniversary, I’ve been thinking to myself, "Do I love her like Christ loves the church, and gave Himself for it?" God knows that I have failed before in marriage, simply because I didn’t get the picture. Granted, if a marriage fails, you must see what part you may have played in it. I think it is the fact that men just normally make the decision to take our wives for granted. In our world today we have often seen how hard it is on marriages. There are a number of reasons from infidelity, to money, to whatever reasons we can come up with that couples seem to split up and divorce. None of which are good reasons, in God’s eyes. Satan is deceitful in all ways. He sees a Christian family who wants to, and does, serve God. The first thing that happens is a tool that Satan has used for years. Infidelity is probably the cause of a ton of divorces in America today, however infidelity is not the underlying problem that caused it in the first place. It is neglect by one spouse toward the other or both or there is a couple that are unequally yoked, which means one is saved and the other is not.
Women are emotional creatures. God created them that way, and no matter how they try to change it, they find out that it is a loosing battle. Why did HE create them that way? This is an excellent question. God created them that way so they could have a loving heart and care for their husband and children. If you watch a woman, she can multitask better than any man in the world. She can talk on the phone, feed the baby, have the TV on and understand a toddler’s question at the same time. Well, maybe she has to turn the TV down. She can hear a baby cry, even in a deep sleep, when nobody else hears it. She can take care of her husband and her family and get more accomplished in her house at any given time than most men can do. I find it interesting that a wife, who loves her husband unconditionally, puts her husband upon a pedestal and puts his needs in front of hers. I’ve experienced that with Becky. However, do I love her like Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it?
If you look at the marriage, you will find a picture perfect replica of how Christ intends for us to be concerning church and HIM. Christ should always be at the top of any marriage. A very dear friend of mine gave me an example of what a marriage is supposed to be like. He took a triangle, put Christ at the top, man on the right bottom corner, and the woman at the left bottom corner. He said, "The closer you both get to God, the closer you get to each other and the stronger your marriage is." He has a point. If Christ is not the center of any home, with both spouses, then the marriage usually founders whether there is a divorce or not. They may stick together, but they are usually very unhappy and there is no stability in the home. Why? Because that family is not Christ centered. They are not allowing the Lord to guide them in decisions that they make.
Christ has an unconditional love for the church. Even when we may do things that HE is not pleased with, HE still loves HIS church. Loving your wife is more than just a sexual experience that you may have as a man. It’s being there, to nurture her and supporting her, when she needs it the most. I can only speak for myself, but most men, after they get married, have this attitude, "Okay, now I’m married. I’ve reached that goal so now I don’t need to do anything else to get her attention." We quit writing notes to her, quit sending flowers to her, and as my wife put it, we just don’t show the attention to them that we need to. Shame on us men! We are totally wrong on our part. Again, we see this attitude in some churches too. A person has been saved, gets into the church, sits down, and says, "Okay, I’m saved, that’s all I needed to do. Now I’m in church faithfully waiting to go home." This, too, is also wrong.
Let’s look at the word, ‘love’. I said it is an action verb and it is. Granted, women love to be kissed and hugged and they love to hold hands and most men say, "We aren’t kids any longer, why should I have to do that?" I’ve learned, and I’m still learning, that no matter how old you get, women need to feel loved. Our priorities should be that her needs come before ours. She needs to know that we love her unconditionally. When a man comes home to find out that his wife has had a bad day and she needs attention; men need to give her that attention. Listen to her, let her get things off her chest, and above all, show her you care. Turn off the TV or whatever else may grab your attention and turn your total attention to her. IT’S NOT ABOUT US… Now, granted, my wife will tell me, "I’m keeping this devotional to use later." LOL. I will probably laugh and tell her she is right to do so.
Most of us are out for self. Jesus Christ put HIS Father’s priority in front of anything else. His church is the top of HIS list. Why? The answer to that would be HE gave HIMSELF and died for it. Would men give themselves for their wife? Most would say yes, but the actual answer would better be served by saying no. Until we find ourselves, as men, putting our wives’ necessities above our own, then we do not have an unconditional love that God expects us to have. We find that unconditional love is centered in Christ. As long as marriages are Christ centered, any problems that may arise are usually overcome.
Most men love the fact that the scripture in Ephesians 5 also tells the men to be the head of the household, (vs. 23). Being a head of a household means that we need to be the leader and the comforter of it also. We also want to use the scripture in verse 21 for wives to submit to their own husbands, as unto the Lord. However, I am learning that if you show your wife the love and nurturing that she desires, that all of these things usually fall in place. To be the head of anything, you have to love it. Truth is we a husband and wife should submit ourselves to each other in love. It should never be about us, but instead about our spouse.
Ask yourself, "Do I love my wife as Christ loves HIS church and gave HIMSELF for it?" Truth is, no matter how much you love your wife now, there is always room for more growth in that love. We should take time to search out how we can grow in that love. The directive in Ephesians was to love our wives as Christ also loved the church and gave HIMSELF for it; that HE might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by HIS word, that HE might present it to HIMSELF a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish." (Verse 23 – 27). The word, ‘sanctify,’ means to make holy. If do what we are directed to do concerning loving our wives, then it will be a sanctified marriage that can only bring honor and glory to God. After all, it is truly all about HIM anyway, right?
